besides i'm still too young to be judged, rather. the future is not here yet, i can always create another tomorrow, create another chance.
whatever im gonna sleeeep! fuckshit!
darwin
奇跡見えない。
Monday, January 28, 2008
i guess i should write about pakharto, since everyone is giving their opinions about it. i will too.
well, as far as i can see.
hes a great man.
i think someone like him must have a god damn strong mentality. 500,000 lives taken away during the communist purge in exchange for the prosperity in indonesia.
man i really admire those senior leaders. particularly singapore's LEE, indonesia's Soeharto, china's zhu, and america's clinton. well china and america i have no idea whats so great about it but i just think they are great cause I FEEL that they are great. taiwan's? xxxxx my god. their politic is a joke,one day without quarrelling it wouldnt be taiwan. but im seriously looking forward to see taiwan's new president. whichever it is. i think to be great. you need to be calm, have a long vision, and of course hardheaded ( or stubborn determined what so ever ).
i remember Lee's interview on soeharto, how he praised soeharto. seriously i was pretty impressed to the point my eyes were like gonna be wet. what a great man. though every singaporean makes fun of him, but im impressed he could manage singapore that well. well. then i watched rambo, and the setting is in burma. makes me think more about what LEE said about burma. burma and indonesia all had a military uprising, de'couptet they call i think. but indonesia done better in terms of economic terms. man
i wished the world had peace, world peace ! this entry is seriously so lame i dont know why im writing it.
darwin
奇跡見えない。
さあああああああ。。。雨がフルですね。 今週はたくさんしけなります、きらいいですね。
ah bloody rain. it had to rain and spoil my carlights, then now have to make me go to school in rain. how shitty can it be. this weekend was rather weird cause yao wasnt here in sandiego. saturday we went to drink at minsokchon,man everyone was so drunk it was crazy. everyone was acting like an idiot and i realized how stupid i was when i was drunk. emotional, easily agaitated. i guess its good not to get drunk!
either way it was billy's farewell. so many people left san diego, it makes me sad. i should treasure the gang that i have now. monie left ( :(sobs ) kambing and nana left ( im not close to them ) then ta2 left ( im okay with her ) then joan left ( im sad cause shes pretty ) then erm billy is leaving by feb. when we graduate, more people are gonna leave san diego. hahaha i guess its only when things are gonna be gone then people will learn to appreciate it. either way i decided not to drop japanese, since i can write on my resume as ( studied 1 year of basic japanese ) HAHA can flaunt a bit of my useless language.
school is in 2 hours, oops its 1.5 hours now and im like half ready. i hope the rain stops or else i have to walk in the rain, i seriously hate it. its been so long that im single. like what my random partner said, its really weird when yo're single you want to be attached and when you're attached often you want to be single. love is a puzzle, i have to admit. it can make people change so much. i seriously wonder how long im gonna be single. maybe 1 year more? or maybe 5 YEARS more! or maybe 10 YEARS more! WAH! if its 10 years i must have lost my heart somewhere. i bet my ex will find a boyfriend faster than me. hahhaha girls are always popular, daring and desperate guys are everywhere. since i got no balls when it comes to girls, cause i got no self confidence because of so many things that happened. even if i think im goodlooking ( lying to myself) girls wont even take a look at me again! HAHAHAHA this proves even more. im shy and easily embarrassed. man i got no balls seriously. even if i like anyone i would just keep my mouth shut about it. man im so uselessssss! where are my balls man. so i guesss i wont be attached a long long time. sometimes thinking about it makes me scared. not the being single part, but being the attached part. cause you have to change from single to attached is a big thing.
well, love is more than a game, but a form of pain.
i wonder if anyone does gets any inspiration from my nonsense.
ARGH! MY WATER IS BOILING FOR 5 minutes PLUS SHIT. no no not PLUS shit into the water but its been for 5 minutes PLUS, SHIT!
a comma makes a difference in life. it will in the future too ;)
darwin
奇跡見えない。
Sunday, January 27, 2008
argh i wanted to blog something emo but bceause of the rain my car is ruined ! ARGH! my lights are OFF! im so mad now. shrugs
darwin
奇跡見えない。
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
more and more people are leaving. so this year tata left, then billy and salom0 will leave too by the end of this month. on the way back home i was on my roommate's car, i was sitting at the back and because its a coupe it was really easy to look out at the sky. so i saw mars. wondering how long have i been noticing at mars, everyday mars will move away from the moon. further and further untill another few centuries before it collides again with the moon. i know many people don't really notice it either anyway.
today was gu's birthday so we ate at chinamax. i feeel kinda happy for some reason when i was in the car. it just felt glad to have friends to be with you eating and laughing. though they arent the closest friends i have nor they are the people who know me well enough to talk about serious stuff but they sure make my day better. it kind of feels like back to innocence, like those days when you were a kid and you just laugh your head off each day. those that you laugh and laugh everyday with all the lameshits. we just laugh about everything, people we don't know, fat people skinny people smart people anyone including our own friends.
i guess maybe its because everyone is single and thats why we could clique so well. i never had this kinda guy bonding other than with 0utwar but even with outwar they are still girls inclusive of our topic. not that me and my sd gang people don't talk about girls but its rather its towards the lame side of it.
i know this is random but i thought i should write it down just incase i forget the feeling of it.
きょうわ、うれしかったですね。これは、幸せですか？？さあああ。。
darwin
奇跡見えない。
Monday, January 21, 2008
im back home. yeah i should have write something but its just that everytime i come back to san diego i just forget everything. say next time if you have some shitty things to happen to you and you need some time and space to recuperate, come to san diego.
and i happen to always forget what to blog what to write, but even when i remember what i want to write, it just happens that i will lose the touch of writing that certain event. but im kinda glad to be back here again. feels great to see everyone here again, though more and more people are leaving. many things are on my mind but i think will write a better entry, soon i hope. well
darwin
奇跡見えない。
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
so finally.
today is the last day, 7 hours more to the flight and no doubt i feel very uneasy about it. its almost nearly the same feeling as the feeling that i was about to leave for america, 3 years ago. and yes i think it was also around the same day 3 years ago that i left for america. + - 1 day. i can only sleep for like an hour or so i guess i just do a brief write up today.
today was the last day so i stayed at home and helped mom with a few things, afterwards i went to eat with my family and then i taught mom how to used the computer MSN so she could use webcam with me. so yes afterwards i went to mr h@lim which i wasted most of my time there just chatting with him and hongwei at holland V. drove down to ew3ns house to print my airticket pass him his ipod cable and we went to mustafa for midnight shopping. the basket was pretty empty at first but in the end it was filled with quite a lot of things.
talking to h@lim today made me realize, or rather exerted pressure on to me. ( positive pressure ) that made me more determined that i don't want to be like the typical singaporeans out there who just work themselves to death for the government. and i realized that i should save more money although many people think im spendthrift, but i think i shall learn to be more thrifty ( those who thinks im spendthrift, obviously you havent seen my friends ). but they are they, me is me. sometimes i see myself trying to hard to climb out of myself, like trying so hard to be someone else that im not. but yes i shall remember the words that wise h@elim said today about making money. all of a sudden i feel that all the need for girlfriends and stuff just disappeared that instant.
i feel rather weird that im gonna be away from singapore for 1.5 years, like i wonder how much will singapore change. think this period of time i will lose and also gain friends. after this 1.5 years i dont know how will it be like. remember i said i regretted coming back to singapore? i take back my words. i think it was a right choice, and a very appropriate time. think that among all the trips that i came back, which amounts to 5 times. this is the most meaningful, the best and the most peaceful ever. maybe its because its the last time, i dont know. but i just feel that this trip taught me how to be a better friend ( to best friends ) and better son ( to best mom ). now i don't want to go back but im certain that when i reach SD i will get homesick for a while and afterwards i will forget about singapore again. im like this seasonal. but once again, when i said is not a home to me, i wonder how true it is. though i have to agree that singapore culture is fucked up and that ew3n is one those who uphold the misssionary school values in singapore. okay thats crap but yeah he should get my point. NSK?!
this year is my last year in school. my last year as a student. my first time walking into the society.
and life will twist 180 degree.
2004 was the last year that i wore my uniform. 2008 is the year my mom will be proud of me when i throw the square shape hat on graduation day.
it wont be the last year in uni for me cause i wanna study more. but if say i do get a chance and ever ever get so rich i dont have time to study, yeah i think about.
but for now, i better learn to enjoy my remaining half year as a fulltimestudent and meanwhile think about what i'm gonna do in the future.
darwin
奇跡見えない。
Sunday, January 13, 2008
まだ二日ですね。。。
man i know i shouldnt be blogging causei really dont know what to do, and i do realized i think i write faster then people can read. plus the fact that i write shits it makes me sound like as if im talking to myself. no wonder i like to look at the wall cause it plain white and it doesnt talk.
well theres still 2 more days before i leave for america, rather ( going back ) to america. what a weird way to put since when was america a home to go back to? think this holiday i served my purpose as being a good son since i kind of finished the things that my mother wanted me to do. i spent most of my time with outwar since thats the only thing that i want to do. though sometimes we meet up and we don't know what to say or talk about but im really glad that our friendship lasted till now, its already 7 years since we knew each other. the most funny thing is that the 3 of us started out as like enemies or on unfriendly terms. well andre went into camp, so im pretty certain i won't get to see him since he won't have nights out anymore.
i feel pretty weird cause i think i wont be back to sg for quite a while, because of the fact that im graduating and i need to get some working experiences there. but im actually quite worried for my mom and i really wondered why am i not a girl, or maybe mom should have given birth to a girl so there will be someone to accompany her. like my exroommate, rian hes the only son ands hes in the US plus i hardly ever hear him talk to his parents. all he do is game and game and game. amazing isnt it.
i really do have this pretty weird feeling that in this 2 years something shitty is just bound to happen, cause life has been pretty smooth lately. i don't believe the weather would be like this, shiny forever and ever and ever. i even think i might die in a plane crash! seriously what am i thinking! 2 more days i should eat more good food shouldnt i !
i went out with my mom today and i went to china town suntec city and plaza sing. i been to town quite a number of times to walk around etc and i realize so many girls are so pretty. but i just cant help to imagine all of them are not virgins ! or worse still i cant imagine my friends who are virgins and turn themselves into non-virgins! its just so fucking weird !
now the genderstereotyping is, girls who are hot and pretty -> they sure fuck around
why? because even innocent girls ARE fucking! how can hot and pretty people dont fuck? why? because even FAT people are fucking! how can hot and non-fat people girls don't fuck?
i know its amazingly stupid to say this and sorry to readers who already had sex i apologize but you see the culture is DIFFERENT. perhaps in asia or perhaps in the indonesia community. sex is not fun, its sacred and holy like a weapon that you can use to backstab and ruin a girl's life. sex puts prices on girls here, how weird. imagine if the world does not discriminate against non-virgins and fuckers, everyone would be fucking !
nvm. maybe im really turning gay or something, i wonder why am i like always talking about girls and girls, but ITS JUST INTERESTING. boobs, buttcracks, etc but nobody want to see the guy's version. HAHAHA maybe there a few expcetion in this world but yes im saying in general. okay im getting lame, i should sleep.
i can only pray i have good dreams tonight !
darwin
奇跡見えない。
Saturday, January 12, 2008
" the kiss felt sweet and real "
aaawwww.
*******
so theres 3 more days before my holiday ends, a week from now i would be in san diego how weird can it be.
i remember i had a lot of things to type and write about but i just couldn't remember what to write about. today might be the last day i get to see andre. ( note that i didnt kiss him ). i need to sleep early today before my mother kills me.
darwin
奇跡見えない。
Thursday, January 10, 2008
mr.BRUIN please READ THIS. its important
okay i dont know why im writing. but its gonna be important. cause its gonna be about girls, HEHE uclaboi im sure you're interested to read this right?
firstly http://youtube.com/watch?v=LHdiLe4zrYw
think that girl is pretty? oh yes she is. shes elva hsiao, the detestable piece of shit that i always hated ( because she sang with blue and i thought it was pretty gay ). but yes i never like chinese singers ( especially the girls ) BUT GEESH shes pretty cute huh.
and watch this http://www.metacafe.com/watch/268704/leah_dizon/
MY GOD LEAH DIZON. drives me even nuts. reason is causes she a jpop singer now but she was from america. but well you can see being an actress or singer means you're bound to get fucked by those producers. now i think i wanna be a producers. wao you get to screw every girl thats on TV ( before shes on tv ). think everyone will want to offer themselves to the producers.
shakes, thats why i think singers ( celebrities ) they use sex to buy the producers heart.
but yes thats not my point.
firstly, FIGURE don't lie. i mean if you're skinny means you're skinny. fat means fat. there isnt much like" fatness is the eye of the beholder. " if you're fat means you're FAT. weight is like money, they put a value on you. but looks is subjective. so elva hsiao can be ugly to you but pretty to me. charming to me yet disgusting to you. yeah besides i can see her make up is pretty thick but the way she portray herself in that mtv really charms me. as for leah dizon, she charmed me further with her naughty looks. okay thats nt my point but yeah. you can have super smart dressing skills to cover fats ( im smarter these days but often cant be bothered UNLESS i feel like theres a need to go charm girls ) HAHAHA which theres totally very little need. everytime i come back singapore my STANDARD goes higher and higher.
AND YES they screw offback to singapore ( honestly i still don't want to )angmohs arent that great, i just get the feeling they stink and they are fucking weird. as for asians in the states, okay lets start with the indonesians.
uclaboi you know what i mean right? you seen it too. lol i bet you're still mesmerized by the ahlian you saw in orchard road. the who smoked, and smoked your life away. HAHAHA. shakira says hips dont lie yes i think so too. but yes what happened to the indos in america? i think god is creating the world very " weirdly ".
there are actually more ugly guys with pretty girls ( maybe ugly guys are rich ). money is not everything but definitely it can get you alot of things. important things. if im rich i can see morning musume or elva hsiao, okay im hsiao. oh well. oh since the world is overflowing with prettty girls give me one ! but once again people like me who just laze around, sit down and wait for girls. HAHAHA i must be the 22th century guy, 100 years from now when guys are lesser than girls, theres a need for snatch for guys. imagine that, even the ugliest guy gets girls and the there will be no one who wants the ugliest girls and the prettygirls will be taken by guys and WAH GUYS RULE THE FUCKING WORLD! okay when im 100 years old nobody wants me. oh well.
okay uclaboi, my point is.
1. slim ( not skinny ) 2. not too busty ( but not too flat ) 3. funny personality, rather charming 4. unsickable face ( means you wont get sick looking at it )
i think if you can get like 2 outta 3 of those traits it would be great. but once again its a hard combination, i think i want 3 outta 3. HAHAHA actually its not very hard. is it? im asking for average breast, im not asking to be fat but not skinny too. like she gets to eat. yeah personality is one more thing, face is also hard. okay so maybe its hard. now im watching elva's other video okay i change my mind she sucks.wth is she singing.
also one very important point, make up. fuck man make up can really change the looks of someone. its really amazing how they turn someone ugly to become someone pretty. but if you have nice figure, you can prolly cover off the ugly face if you have one. but then if you have a fat body nomatter how nice your make up skills are, your fats will lie. now im looking at elva without/least make up. man she looks ordinary, worse still she looks some china babes.
please girls out there stop dying your hair, somethings black is the nicest color you have. i really appreciate girls who has nice black hair ( except for one thats in SD ). AHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
shit man i wrote so much but i think its rather explicit. thank god not many people who are reading it.
and whats with people tagging my board, without putting their name. zzzzz i know i do that too but i cant figure out who is who if this continue ! how about this just put the 2 letters of your name. people who visit my blog and i don't know you you're free to tag my board too. i rather have annoymous people reading then have no one reading. then i would feel like theres only 2 readers who reads my blog. uclaboi and my 2times junior. its amazing how i try to hide names so much. oh well.
its 6.30 now i gotta try to sleep and wake up and date my mom for breakfast ! its a good year to be a goodboy. at least thats how i feel.
darwin
奇跡見えない。
its been 5 minutes since i logged into blogspot but i cant type properly cause my right hand is numb now. i got no idea why. 5 more days in singapore.
gotta sleep less and accompany my mother more. in fact i feel happy about it. well.
even though i dont what to write its just that i wanna log in here and type something outta it. my pinky is totally numb.
so is my heart//.
OH i sound so emo. hahahahahaha thats a term that people always use on me 1 year ago. i think i was a nutcase last year. totally, changing here and there every second. hahahahahahahaha. oh well
darwin
奇跡見えない。
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
okay 2nd entry of the day. its 1.55pm which is 5.55am in singapore, i can't sleep. but my target is to wake up at 12pm tmr, then i would like to spend time with my mom. i think i ought to do that, spend more time with my mom rather than friends. im starting to think that i am a bad son, but i am. like what halim said, my hobby is pissing my mother off. but i don't want to, but its just that shes so stubborn and im stubborn too. i can't imagine that when one day im a parent and i would have a son like me.
thats not the point.
im starting to wonder if all these years of education have done me any good. education doesnt prove anything, but just maybe a guaranteed job. i want more than a job, more than a goal, like a dream. thinking stepping into the society pisses me off. everyone has their own way, own method of " getting " rich or being " successful ", i haven't found mine but its rather interesting how people who arent studying that well have often shown more promising qualities as compared to those mugheads with good grades. in a way you can say im lying to myself,but in a way its another way of looking things. i'll make sure those bastards who judge me by grades take their words back ( okay they didnt say anything ). but yes even if i dont prove you wrong, someone will ! HEH.
yeah but i want to be one of them.
like someone said to me, im very seasonal. im like water that takes the shape of the container. i don't deny sometimes im like that but im a water that will remember the shape of the container too. i remember a lot about the past, a lot a lot. well.
2008, i wonder how will i change again, to the shape of the container.
if i'm really like water taking any shape of the container,
then please.
freeze me to the way shape of the right container.
darwin
奇跡見えない。
no matter how much i write, there is just no way of finishing defining - life. or the way to live your life.
i was at clarke quay just now with lius so we chat a while and drank at brewerks before we went to the opposite side to walk around ( apparently he wanted to see girls ). okay i dont know why i just go no balls or rather i feel rather weird and shy approaching girls. i guess afterall im still not that socialable. or rather in my mind i have already set some standards in my life that i shall not do some things, such as clubbing or going around fucking girls. and i dont know why MUST everything in the world REVOLVES around girls. its just girls girls and girls. okay i don't deny even guys need girls to survive.
no sex means no life means no after spring means death. no girls means its pointless to dress so nice, because there is just no one to impress but thats not my point.
i just feel weird that life for guys these days are all about girls. after girls it would be sex. 2 tits and a hole and the bottom to put your stick in. and plus its even more amazing why singapore girls are willing to grind guys they don't even know. okay once again i don't deny i don't mind getting grind as long its a pretty one ( DUDE its free !) but yeah its just hell weird. sex is more common than drugs, no perhaps even more common than the number of people who smoke.
argh, okay i must be sprouting rubbish after my alcoholic beverage.
but yes i would like to cut a hole on my chest and take my heart and break it, slam it to the floor. kill the emotions and perhaps i can stop thinking about girls. ha!
darwin
奇跡見えない。
Sunday, January 06, 2008
i didn't wanna blog today but i thought i blog a little. i can't remember what i want to write, but i do realized that what i blog or the way i blog depends on the songs i listen to. right now im listening to MIMS. i can't write anything sensible, because my wholebody wants to move to the vibe. hahaha can't write anything like... emo or sensible.
so in short is i met tons of people. this week i think it will be interesting. oh well i should get some sleep.
darwin
奇跡見えない。
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
finally, i got some internet now. today is the second day of 2008, 5 more days to start of school, 8 more days to the day that i can't help to remember but i try not to remember. okay now i remember because i just try to ask myself not to remember. hahahaha, okay enough of this lame shit. let this serve it as a joke.
so once again, how did i spend my 2008 new year? i watched tv, slept through it and of course i met andre on new year's day(morning 3am). so we just hung out and talked as usual. today i met my americano friend pussytyo and my exhousemate richard soenjaya. didnt see richard for 2 years, and hes still the same. same hair, same face, same stupid sense of fashion, and the same amount of stupidity instill in his brains. on top of that he brought his girlfriend, 4.5 years coming 5 years. and all along long distance. seriously, im so envious of them. ( okay you can take out the so, i m not really that envious ). these days i really cant be bothered with anything. i hope all my friends from around the world have a peaceful year, so if they are in peace, i can also be in peace. don'ya think its so troublesome if someone gets into trouble and i have to console him/her. firstly, that person is in trouble, bet its a terrible feeling. then i would be in trouble because i have to console him, on top of that i might be troubled by his matters. but no matter what, no one can be as troubled as the person in trouble. okayy i think my entry today is so stupid cause it look as if im trying to make rhyming rap outta it.
2008. but what are my new year resolutions?
i shan't be a hypocrite, but i just want to a better person.
and be able to see things from a point of view that people can't see.
thats about it? another year gone by and i have wasted 2007, was it wasted? yes it is. its by far one of the worse year i had in my life. ( i dont know why its either dejavu or that i have said that this or this year 199x/200x was a year that i wasted ) or do i just type that every new year? hahaha. 2006 was a fruitful year! 2007 wasnt so .... great. i hope 2008 is a good year. 2008, means er ling ling FA! FA CHOI! okay im seriously lame. back to serious part
but yeaps. 364 days to spend before2009. i always wonder how much i changed, and how will things change from today onwards. im still keen on having something to struck me all of a sudden, that will change me and make me a better person.
im quite content with life now, im happy as of this moment, 1.38pm america time 5.38 sgp time. treasure every second, every minute. i guess thats what they meant, or maybe not.
i don't know what im typing. i think i just feel restricted even trying to spill my hearts out.
********
for so long, i do feel like i am not myself. my ideals were based on the things i feel, but not the reality. darwin darwin, 2008. wake up and see the reality, as much i love this dream but every dream has to end. a dream is a trap, the longer you stay inside the longer it harms you. there is no free lunch in the world they say, for everything you want in life you must work for it. somethings can't be controlled in these life, but there are certain aspects of life that we can control. with a little bit of luck, things might just turns out well. i think god ( whichever god ) has been really kind to me, think he gave me many many chances to me. i don't believe chances are earned, i believe chances are given by luck. luck is related to god's cruelty and kindness. well. but yeah he has been kind to me, and time after time i almost crumbled and fall i managed to stand up. 2007 was a shitty year, but it made me a stronger person. 2008 will be the year, i'll take it all back.
take it all back.
darwin
奇跡見えない。
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
finally, i got some internet now. today is the second day of 2008, 5 more days to start of school, 8 more days to the day that i can't help to remember but i try not to remember. okay now i remember because i just try to ask myself not to remember. hahahaha, okay enough of this lame shit. let this serve it as a joke.
so once again, how did i spend my 2008 new year? i watched tv, slept through it and of course i met andre on new year's day(morning 3am). so we just hung out and talked as usual. today i met my americano friend pussytyo and my exhousemate richard soenjaya. didnt see richard for 2 years, and hes still the same. same hair, same face, same stupid sense of fashion, and the same amount of stupidity instill in his brains. on top of that he brought his girlfriend, 4.5 years coming 5 years. and all along long distance. seriously, im so envious of them. ( okay you can take out the so, i m not really that envious ). these days i really cant be bothered with anything. i hope all my friends from around the world have a peaceful year, so if they are in peace, i can also be in peace. don'ya think its so troublesome if someone gets into trouble and i have to console him/her. firstly, that person is in trouble, bet its a terrible feeling. then i would be in trouble because i have to console him, on top of that i might be troubled by his matters. but no matter what, no one can be as troubled as the person in trouble. okayy i think my entry today is so stupid cause it look as if im trying to make rhyming rap outta it.
2008. but what are my new year resolutions?
i shan't be a hypocrite, but i just want to a better person.
and be able to see things from a point of view that people can't see.
thats about it? another year gone by and i have wasted 2007, was it wasted? yes it is. its by far one of the worse year i had in my life. ( i dont know why its either dejavu or that i have said that this or this year 199x/200x was a year that i wasted ) or do i just type that every new year? hahaha. 2006 was a fruitful year! 2007 wasnt so .... great. i hope 2008 is a good year. 2008, means er ling ling FA! FA CHOI! okay im seriously lame. back to serious part
but yeaps. 364 days to spend before2009. i always wonder how much i changed, and how will things change from today onwards. im still keen on having something to struck me all of a sudden, that will change me and make me a better person.
im quite content with life now, im happy as of this moment, 1.38pm america time 5.38 sgp time. treasure every second, every minute. i guess thats what they meant, or maybe not.
i don't know what im typing. i think i just feel restricted even trying to spill my hearts out.
********
for so long, i do feel like i am not myself. my ideals were based on the things i feel, but not the reality. darwin darwin, 2008. wake up and see the reality, as much i love this dream but every dream has to end. a dream is a trap, the longer you stay inside the longer it harms you. there is no free lunch in the world they say, for everything you want in life you must work for it. somethings can't be controlled in these life, but there are certain aspects of life that we can control. with a little bit of luck, things might just turns out well. i think god ( whichever god ) has been really kind to me, think he gave me many many chances to me. i don't believe chances are earned, i believe chances are given by luck. luck is related to god's cruelty and kindness. well. but yeah he has been kind to me, and time after time i almost crumbled and fall i managed to stand up. 2007 was a shitty year, but it made me a stronger person. 2008 will be the year, i'll take it all back.